Wanna be a writer?

Agatha Christie

Do you wanna be a writer? Are you sometimes beseiged by the desire to put pen to paper and create some new reality that true to you, truer than 'real' life? Isaac Azimov said that if his doctor told him he had only six minutes to live, he wouldn't brood. Instead, he would "type a little faster." That's pretty much my point of view. And not because it's 'glamorous'; it's not. It's a lonely, insular enterprise that often leaves your loved ones accusing you (quite rightly) of being self-centred and disconnected with the world in general.

A YouGov poll just released finds that becoming a writer is considered as the most desirable job in Britain. 60% of people said they’d like to do it for a living. Fewer people listed being a TV presenter or a movie star! This has thrown up interesting debates on the net about writers and the writer’s life.

Maya Angelou

George Orwell described writing a book as “a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness.” If this isn’t graphic enough, consider Hemingway’s quote: “There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” And bleed, we do. It can strain one’s personal life, too, since the writer is frequently absorbed with her own imagination and kind of oblivious to her surroundings.  I know that even while sitting and watching TV with my family, for instance, I’m often lost in my character’s fate or a particular plot point in the work in progress.

And then there’s rejection to cope with. Not only rejection by publishers, but by readers. There will always be some people who hate what you write, others who think it’s fair to criticize because you write. Strangely enough, everyone feels there’s a hidden writer inside him! It seems so doable until you actually get down to it. So, why write?

It’s because we have to. Those of us who are writers, don’t really have a choice. There’s this thing inside of us- call it a demon or muse or merely some mysterious urging- that won’t go away until it gets out on paper. As Maya Angelou said: “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” (Quote from I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings). 

Despicably Yours: a study in villainy

It's harder to create a 'good' villain than a hero.He’s got to be enigmatic, complicated, riveting and, above all, really horrible. I’ve compiled a list of ten evil characters from the movies and fiction that provide an interesting insight into the power of good writing. I’ve left out some of the more famous ones: the Joker in Batman, Count Dracula, Jack the Ripper, Hannibal Lecter and so on because they’re so done. Here’s my list, not in any particular order:

Aaron Stampler from Primal Fear, 
Professor James Moriarty from the Sherlock Holmes stories,
 Rosa Klebb in From Russia With Love, 
Colonel Hans Landa from Inglorious Basterds, 
Claudius from Hamlet,
 'Big Ger' Cafferty from Ian Rankin's Rebus novels,
 Tom Ripley in The Talented Mr. Ripley, 
Hans Gruber from Die Hard, 
Al Capone in The Untouchables, 
and Keyser Soze from The Usual Suspects.

All these photos are downloaded from Google images.

Aaron Stampler in Primal Fear:

Remember that innocent looking boy with a multiple personality disorder? Hard to believe it was Edward Norton’s debut role. This 1996 adaptation of William Diehl’s novel would not have been so engrossing without Norton playing the young altar boy accused of violently murdering an Archbishop. He even shaded Richard Gere’s character Martin Vail. I’ll never forget the end when Gere realizes he’s been played for a fool. So there never was a Roy? He asks Stampler, referring to Aaron’s vicious alter ego. To this, Stampler replies: “There never was an Aaron, Counsellor!”

Jim Moriarty from the Sherlock Holmes Series:

Although he appears in only two Sherlock Holmes stories, The Final Problem and The Valley of Fear, Holmes’s arch enemy casts a long shadow through the entire series. Holmes himself describes the mathematical genius professor as ‘The Napoleon of Crime’. He’s maniacal, egotistic and his brain is said to rival Holmes’s. Many actors have played him over the years in the host of Sherlock adaptations. I like the way Andrew Scott (featured in the photo above) does Moriarty in the BBC version Sherlock, which is currently running on TV. He’s smartly turned out and utterly frightening.

Rosa Klebb in From Russia With Love:

Lotte Lenya is so effective as the evil Colonel Rosa Klebb in the second Bond movie, we remember her as the main villain. Her poison-tipped shoe spike is an iconic weapon and it’s hard to forget the fear on Sean Connery’s face as he fights her off in the climax. The way she flinches at the slightest human touch underlines her brutality; it seems the only way she can make human contact is by stabbing people with her shoe.

Hans Landa from Inglorious Basterds:

…and with this character the world was introduced to a genius called Christoph Waltz. A German-Austrian actor who speaks English, French and Italian apart from his native tongue, Waltz was eerily charming in this Quentin Tarantino flick. Who else could’ve played a Nazi Colonel and made us want to see more? He’s not only a brilliant detective Jew-hunter, he loves drinking milk, too! We’re almost sorry when the American Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) disfigures him by carving a swastika into his forehead at the end of the film.

Claudius in Hamlet:

Played by Derek Jacobi in this version. Kenneth Branagh (also in the picture) is the tortured Prince of Denmark. Claudius is an interesting Shakespeare villain. He’s a capable monarch, possesses competent diplomatic skills and he’s a patient uncle/ stepfather to crazy Hamlet. It’s only after the ghost appears to Hamlet that we realize he’s behind the murder of his brother, Hamlet’s father. His confession to God in his private chapel reveals a heart bordering on repentance but since it’s a tragedy, he falls to Hamlet’s sword in the end.

'Big Ger' Cafferty in Ian Rankin's Rebus novels:

Morris Gerald Cafferty, played by James Cosmo (the photo above) in one of the Rebus series, is the perfect foil to John Rebus, Ian Rankin’s enigmatic Scottish detective. There’s plenty of dramatic tension between the two since Rebus often cuts corners in order to seek a conviction and sometimes finds himself on the wrong side of the law. Cafferty knows this and spares no opportunity to confront Rebus. Cafferty is portrayed as ruthless, physically strong and a man to be feared.

Tom Ripley in The Talented Mr. Ripley:

Matt Damon is brilliant as Tom Ripley, the man who steals a rich guy’s identity, kills him and gets away with it all. An adaptation of the 1955 novel of the same name by Patricia Highsmith, it’s set in the 1950s in Italy and the US. Tom Ripley is the young man with dubious talents- lying, forging, stealing- struggling to make a living. He succeeds in murdering a rich man Dickie Greenleaf (played by Jude Law) and then convincing a host of people that he’s Dickie. His motives? ‘It’s better to be a fake nobody than a real somebody.’ Hmm…food for thought, what?

Hans Gruber in Die Hard:

Suave, menacing and evil, Alan Rickman made Hans Gruber an unforgettable villain in the first Die Hard movie. None of the baddies in the next four sequels came close. Gruber is basically a thief but he seems so much more. He kills without batting an eye but he can also be extremely well-mannered. Loved his German accent, too.

Al Capone in The Untouchables:

With Kevin Costner, Sean Connery and Andy Garcia in the cast of this 1987 crime drama, a scary villain was required to heighten the drama. It was no other than Robert De Niro who stepped into the role of Al Capone, the Chicago mafia man of the 1920s and 30s. Capone is mercurial, loves the opera, kills without mercy and he’s slightly comical, too. Never accept his dinner invite, though, he might just bash your brains in with a baseball bat!

Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects:

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Awesome movie, awesome Kevin Spacey (extreme right in the photo). He’s Roger ‘Verbal’ Kint, a small time con artist with cerebral palsy who turns approver when a group of ‘the usual suspects’ blow up a freighter ship and kill nearly everyone on board. As he narrates the story to the cops, the name Keyser Soze turns up. Soze is a mythical figure of Turkish descent who’s rumoured to be nearly invisible. He kills not only his enemies but their families and associates, too. Only at the end do we realize, in one of the greatest movie twists of all time, that Kint is Keyser Soze. He has several great lines. One of the most famous, a paraphrase of Baudelaire: ‘The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn’t exist.’

                                                        ***

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The Grand Budapest Hotel: Movie Tribute

Wes Anderson’s The Grand Budapest Hotel is pure joy. It’s a comedy movie released last year and has an awesome star cast. Ralph Fiennes leads the group. Then there’s F. Murray Abraham, Bill Murray, Edward Norton, Tilda Swinton, Jeff Goldblum, Willem Dafoe, Jude Law, Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody…to name a few! The plot is complicated but presented so effortlessly that you don’t have any trouble shifting between present day, the 1960s and 1930s. How many movies or novels can boast of that?

A brief synopsis:

Monsieur Gustave H (Ralph Fiennes) is concierge at The Grand Budapest Hotel, a popular ski resort in the 1930s at the fictional European Alpine Republic of Zubrowka. A junior lobby boy called Zero Mustafa (Tony Revolori as the boy and F. Murray Abraham as the older Zero) becomes his friend and protégé. Gustave prides himself on providing his guests top class service and that includes sexual favours to rich elderly women visiting there. One of his lovers is Madame D (Tilda Swinton) who dies under mysterious circumstances and bequeaths him a priceless painting Boy with Apple. This enrages her family, particularly her son Dmitri (Adrien Brody) and Gustave finds himself framed for her murder and arrested. How he escapes from prison and proves his innocence forms the rest of the action.

Wes Anderson’s masterful treatment of the large array of actors and his amazing screenplay blew my mind. It’s a lesson for all writers, the way he gives bit parts such brilliant characteristics that they remain with us long after the movie ends. The locales are gorgeous and the manner in which Anderson combines wit, humour, farce and suspense is worth all the hype surrounding the movie (11 Oscar nominations!).

To give you a small example of one of the many, many wonderful scenes in the movie: Gustave has just escaped from prison and Zero is waiting outside the walls for him. Instead of scooting from there, Gustave proceeds to harangue the lobby boy for not bringing along his favourite cologne, L’air du panache. Moments later he regrets his words and apologizes to Zero for failing to meet the high standards of The Grand Budapest Hotel!

Don’t miss this movie.

Ten Great Relaxing Songs

Lake Pangong in Ladakh, taken with my Sony Xperia Z phone this summer

Ten great songs to relax with

1) Windmills of Your Mind- Sting's version from The Thomas Crown Affair. It's a haunting rendition of the classic and a really difficult song to do. Love it.

2) Don't Wanna Close My Eyes- Aerosmith, featured on the Armageddon soundtrack. Steven Tyler outdoes himself.

3) Too Much Love Will Kill You- Queen. Who can compare with Freddie's genius?

4) Don't Break My Heart- UB 40. Wish this group had done more. They vanished too soon.

5) Still Got the Blues- Gary Moore. I think this Irish musician was an underrated guitarist. For me, he's up there with Clapton and Joe Satriani and all.

6) Speak Softly Love- Andy Williams from The Godfather. An awesome, gentle theme from one of the best movies of all time.

7) Nothing Compares with You- Sinead O'Connor. Don't you wish this Irish lass had continued longer, too?

8) Still Loving You- Scorpions. A must at every College do in the 90's. Remember the line: 'Pride has built a wall, so strong, I can't get through...'?

9) I Have A Dream- ABBA. Although Agnetha was the lead singer and by far the better one, I love this ABBA number which has Annie Frid in charge. It's so lovely, almost like a hymn.

10) Patience- Guns n' Roses. An unlikely choice? Well, Axl Rose proves his gravelly voice is not just for belting out 'Sweet Child O' Mine' or 'November Rain'; he can be gentle, too.

What's on your list?

The Devil's Dictionary

May I introduce you to The Devil’s Dictionary? It’s a delightful collection of witty definitions compiled by Ambrose Bierce between 1881 and 1906. It was first published in 1906 as The Cynic’s Word Book, since the then publishers baulked at the reference to man’s Chief Adversary.

Here’s a sample of some of Bierce’s whacky descriptions:

A Funeral, he says, is ‘a pageant whereby we assist our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.’

Abrupt means: ‘Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon-shot and the departure of a soldier whose interests are most affected by it.’

Plunder is ‘to take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft’.

How `bout some definitions appropriate for our Indian context? I’ve come up with a few.

Indian men: Alpha males, all of them…in their dreams. That’s why it’s so hard for them to accept rejection: which woman would not want God’s gift…?

Government servants: That peculiar class of officials who believe that public service begins with service to self and, preferably, ends the same way.

Road Rage: the most common method of settling disputes arising from accidents and other mishaps on the road, requiring nothing more than fists and stones. Lessens the burden of the Traffic Police since the aggressors don’t and the victims can’t press charges.

You can get a free copy of The Devil’s Dictionary as an ebook from Gutenberg Press.

Helen of Troy- Femme Fatale or Woman of Substance?

What do we know about Helen of Troy?

-That she is supposed to have been the most beautiful woman that ever lived;
-That she was the Queen of Sparta, married to Menelaus, and she was abducted by/ eloped with Paris, Prince of Troy;
-That this led to the Trojan war as Menelaus called upon other Greek states for assistance and they united under Agamemnon's leadership to attack Troy. Among the Greeks was the mighty warrior Achilles. After a long siege lasting over a decade, the Trojans were defeated by trickery when the Greeks pretended to retreat, leaving behind a large wooden horse. The Trojans mistook this for a gift, happily wheeling it inside their hitherto impregnable walls, unaware that Greek warriors were concealed inside the contraption...

Episodes from the Trojan war have been depicted through poetry, drama and movies, most famously in Homer's epic Iliad (probably composed between 750- 650 B.C) and recently in the Hollywood blockbuster Troy, featuring Diane Kruger as Helen, Orlando Bloom as Paris and Brad Pitt as Achilles.
All very well, but what happened to Helen after the sack of Troy? And what does that tell us about her character?

Before the stratagem of the wooden horse (described in the second book of Virgil's Aeneid), Paris kills Achilles by sending an arrow through his heel and is later killed by Philoctetes. So Helen is left in a precarious position. She is, after all, the 'pearl, whose price hath launched above a thousand ships', as Shakespeare's Troilus says (Troilus and Cressida, Act II, scene ii). She's presumably not high on the Trojans' popularity lists. In order to safeguard her position, she marries Paris's brother Deiphobus. Hector, Paris's noble older brother, is killed by Achilles during the war. No one would blame Helen for taking up with Deiphobus. But what happens when Troy is burning? She betrays Deiphobus in order to curry favour with Menelaus, who forgives her and takes her back! Surprised? I was, when I discovered this recently. And, more surprised still, when I went through the Iliad again (Alexander Pope's translation) and found Helen's reference to a daughter she'd left behind in Troy. One would presume this fact makes her elopement all the more cold-hearted. But Homer is kind to her. She's repeatedly presented as being filled with remorse. On the death of Hector (in the last book of the Iliad) she acknowledges herself as being 'the wretched source of all this misery/ The fate I caused, for ever I bemoan...'
Really? But not enough to stand by the Trojans and Husband Number Three?

Best 5 books read in 2013

I managed to get in a good bit of reading last year and I thought I'd share brief reviews of books/ works that I liked most. So here goes, first the list, not in order of preference, though. They were all so good:

1) Simon Kernick- The Business of Dying

2) Ian Rankin- Knots & Crosses

3) Shakespeare- Coriolanus

4) Robert Goddard- Dying To Tell

5) Pete McCarthy- McCarthy's Bar

Simon Kernick's The Business of Dying: Simon is a British thriller/ crime writer. The Business of Dying is his first novel published way back in 2002 but I read it only last year. It's a wonderfully edgy and humourous novel that introduces a complex hero, Dennis Milne, a cop that moonlights as a hitman. Things turn awry for him when, during a particular hit, his targets turn out to be customs officers and an accountant, not mobsters like he'd been told. Great plot, witty dialogue, a must read.

Here's an excerpt: 'An ominous sensation crept up my back as partially buried thoughts suddenly unearthed themselves like zombies in a graveyard.'

Kernick's other big successes include Relentless, Stay Alive and many others.

Ian Rankin's Knots & Crosses: This one was a re-read. Just realized that this, too, was his first Rebus novel published in 1987. I was so sad about Rankin having retired Rebus that I wanted to revisit the beginning. Once more I was struck by Rankin's amazing characterization. John Rebus is the divorced, hard drinking Scottish copper who's willing to bend rules to get the bad guy. Knots & Crosses is pure joy with a complicated plot, cryptic messages, Rebus's messed up personal life, his drug-dealing brother Michael, and so on. Grab it whenever you can.

Shakespeare's Coriolanus: Another re-read. For the uninitiated, this tragedy is one of the Bard's later works, written between 1605-08 and it's based on a legendary Roman leader Caius Marcius Coriolanus. As always, Shakespeare's mastery in presenting great openings grabs the reader (or audience's) attention from the very first scene. We're thrust into a conflict as the play opens with a riot and the people of Rome are up in arms against the hero, Coriolanus. His arrogance, bravery and enigmatic personality are powerfully brought out right at the start and, of course, this continues all through. The play also has a powerful female character in Volumnia, Caius's mother. Consider her declaration about Caius in battle:

'Had I a dozen sons, I had rather had eleven die nobly for their country than one voluptuously surfeit out of action'. Charming, wasn't she?

Coriolanus has been adapted for television and the movies many times and I especially like the 2011 version directed by the hugely talented (and very handsome) Ralph Fiennes, who also plays the lead role. If that isn't enough to grab eyeballs, there's Gerard Butler playing Coriolanus's arch rival Aufidius. Don't miss it.

Robert Goddard's Dying to Tell: This is an early gem (pub 2001) from the British writer who's known as the master of the clever twist. Goddard's novels feature regular guys who get caught up in tricky, dangerous situations. This one has a mind-blowing ending (I'm struggling hard to not reveal it!). The plot revolves round a guy called Lance Bradley who's whiling away his time in Somerset when he gets a call from his friend Rupert's sister, saying that ol' Rupe has gone missing; can he help? Typically, Bradley is soon caught up in a life and death situation and he's propelled by circumstances to get deeper and deeper into it...You can also check out Goddard's website: robertgoddardbooks.co.uk. He describes his work as having 'unprincipled chicanery; unsolved crimes; unforgotten betrayals...' How can you resist?

Pete McCarthy's McCarthy's Bar: one of the funniest books I have ever read. Pete McCarthy was a British TV travel writer, sadly no more (passed away in 2004 in his early fifties). McCarthy writes about his travels though Ireland. The narrative is so humourous and well-observed that it'll leave you gasping in awe at the guy's talent. Sample this:

'I've never understood how cars work, beyond a long-standing conviction that petrol is crucial'.

He describes meeting two American GIs in Germany who declared they were planning to visit England 'because it would be neat to see where John Lennon and Elvis grew up.' He says they also wanted to know if they could use dollars and would the street signs be in English?

The one common thread in all these works is the sheer joy of storytelling that shines through. These guys were writing because they wanted to. Period. That's what sets them apart.

How about sharing the best five books you read in 2013 with me?